I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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