I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
