Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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