what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
