Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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