Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
