Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's always time for handjobs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
