I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
