yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He felt like a one man threesome
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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