Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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