It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
