how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
