I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
