a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
