I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
