Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
