Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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