Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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