I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
