Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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