Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
