3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
