i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize