yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
