So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
