Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
