he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
