i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
