I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
