so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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