whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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