i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
