No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
