peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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