He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
