Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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