Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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