He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
