im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
