chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
