I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
