did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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