I'm jealous of your bromance
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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