My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
