dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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