I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
