Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i will never coherently bang her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize