When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
