trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
