my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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