Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
