Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
