peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
