Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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