a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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