It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
