if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
