I think im going to throw up on grandma
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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