is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
