I love black thongs
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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