No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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