Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
