My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
