After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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