i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
