y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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