i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
