you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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