smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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