Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
