What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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