Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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