the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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