The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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