Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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