Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
