before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
