Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
