No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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