Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
