I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
