College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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