i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
