just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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