You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
