i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
