i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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