a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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