Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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