Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
