im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
