Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
