im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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