I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
