I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
