Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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