someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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