In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
