It's like God shit irony all over that family
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
