Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
