Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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